thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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