I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
