so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘