DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
