we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
