you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
