Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
