This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
