the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My feet surprised me
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