I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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