is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
my poor anus
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
