Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
A+ Viking dick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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