i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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