How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i drank out of a bidet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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