I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
