Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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