highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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