I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just googled if crying burns calories
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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