who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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