At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
