i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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