ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
