i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
