I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
