when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
