i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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