Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
