woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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