Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
