i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
