In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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