Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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