Will you blow on my dice?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
