I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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