She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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