So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
