the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
