"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
