no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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