I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
