Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
