ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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