So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
