Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
