I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
