Will you blow on my dice?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize