Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
