Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
