no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she looked like the before picture.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
