so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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