dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
