I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
