I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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