if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is not my ceiling
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
