1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
