He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
