If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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