I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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