Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize