Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
