We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
