Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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