Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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