My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
