we have officially lost it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
