I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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