I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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