You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love having hate sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
