he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
