Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize