She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
