the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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