brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
