you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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