hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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