If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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