ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
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I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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