I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
