Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
