He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
